Hey look its me Pablo <3

Another day is here is so another post aswell.

I have been thinking to myself lately, alot. As my spare time has been alot lately. So what have I been thinking about? What is the matter you ask? What is it I feel inside? What cause me to act this way?

Well I am gonna give you straight forward answers to what all of those are.

I just get out of control when I get angry at things. I freak out on everyone around me, is it right to do that, NO not at all, as no one should have to go through that at all.. And everytime I do that, later on guess what, I feel horrible, I honestly feel like shit inside.

There are times I say to myself, I am a failure, I am a nobody, I am a asshole, I am a jerk. They all have been said numerous times and thought of numerous times aswell.

I get mad at people who do stupid things for no reasons, or bad drivers when I am driving, just random things that piss me off during the day, turns into burning anger, and I lash out on everyone else around me because of it.

You know what I was told before, I was a nuisance to society. Well maybe its because of how I do last out and hurt others. Saying hurtful things, things that just come out, that should not have came out.

And then lately too I have been sick about all my tests and such, and all the worrying, as it really bothers a person when you hear stuff like that from your doctor. I just wanna be a healthy person, But the pain I sometimes feel, hurts bad at points that I lash out aswell.

So what else has been on my mind you may ask, I just miss you soo much hun, I get lonely alot and I try not to, I may not say much at all when we chat on the phone or on msn, its because by me just listening to you, it makes all that disappear. All the frustration inside me, from everything, disappears when I hear you.

I do with all my heart, wanna come up there in may to go on holidays with you, to see all the maritimes with you, as I have heard over and over just how beautiful it really is. And I would love to share that with you darlin. I would also really enjoy going to Katey's wedding, but I was thinking again to myself, that I should just come up early, 2-3 days before hand so I can see you before the wedding. How would you like that. I am willing to work as hard as you baby on this, cause I know and you know that together we can achieve it.

It also gets to me with everyone up there putting all the stress and pressure on you saying do this and do that, well they should start owning up to it, and not putting it only on you. And then your safetey, I do get really worried at times, for you.

So there are the answers to those burning questions you had inside.

Possibly another update to follow stay tuned.

Do know this Misty, I love you ever soo much and I know you are trying to be very patient with me, and I thank you for that. As I have been a nag, and a jerk to you, said things I shouldn't have and I am dearly sorry for that. Do you forgive yet again, for my outrages?

This I wanna say to youMisty, I wanna change, and starting Feb 1st 2007. I WILL CHANGE, as I am gonna put my mind to it, and stop being a jerk to people, to calm my anger.

I will start being a better person. This I promise to you.

With all my love,

Your Man always,